The base of this self portrait began with loved ones sharing their memories and perceptions of me. I added my own memories, pictures, journal entries, and favorite lyrics from across the years✍️ There are layers and layers of this process interwoven, whitewashed over, and built up again with found objects🎨 The process mirrors those which I’ve witnessed in my body: infliction, transformation, and healing❤️🩹
Complex trauma is something I’ve been coping with since childhood. Then, a few years ago, the domestic violence I suffered pushed me past my breaking point. Survival meant finally learning to feel all of the repressed emotions stored in my body; my somatic memory🫀
I started tuning in to my inner voices, and following the fear and hurt they pointed to. Navigating emotional regulation, reflecting on journals, and unlocking memories has all helped me shape this map of my inner landscape🧠
Identity is who and what I decide to be, and everything I innately am. It's both the way my siblings remember me as a kid, and the way kids see me when I teach👨👦👦 I’m the way I treat strangers, show up for my friends, and tend to my relationships. I’m raggedy limbs and sparkling eyes and my deepening voice. I’m my body, and I’m so much more🌌 No portrait can capture all that makes someone who they are.
I’ve never wanted to be labeled or contained. Labels can be so diminishing when prescribed by society. However, during this healing cycle, I've realized the power in a name. It's actually felt expansive being able to articulate the free parts of myself, with words like neurodivergent🧠, polyamorous🫶, and genderfluid🥀🗡
...I've always known my life's purpose to be searching for meaning in the mundane, and interpreting the universe's symbolic communication🐇🕷⏰️☄️
All dreams come to us for a reason, even nightmares are meant to reveal our fears so that we may conquer them. Similarly, I've learned that suffering isn't meant to destroy us, but to alchemize meaning and clarity from pain. Beauty is only balanced by its grotesque shadow☁️🥀
Even in moments where darkness has swallowed you, look to the sky, and you will find a star to follow or a silver lining to hold unto🌠🌤
I tried to memorialize this understanding for myself with the back lighting on this piece😶🌫️✨️✨️Enjoy
